One of my (now) regular
One of my (now) regular temp jobs has had me entering addresses of foundation donors into an AppleWorks database (on a Mac! can you believe it?). Many of these addresses are listed as “Mr. and Mrs. Carter P. Kissinger (Ruth).” Every time I see this, I get annoyed. Why is the wife merely parenthetical? Seems to me that this is a gigantic backwards step from a woman choosing to adopt her husband’s name to just being “the Mrs”. Why not “Carter and Ruth Kissinger”?
And I know that in most of the cases, the wife is the one who has taken care of the donation in the first place. Why does she allow herself to be listed this way?
Even single (as in one person, not marital status) donors are often listed as “Mrs. Lance R. Willoughby (Wilhelmina).” Is “Mrs. Wilhelmina Willoughby” not acceptable in the upper strata of the social circle?
Enough temp job/women’s lib ranting. Still, you’d best not ever parentheses me.
Well, (Leia), all I can say is that some women prefer to defer to their husband in these sorts of matters. It’s really not that big a deal, (Leia). I know that I had to address similar envelopes when I was helping solicit donations for my college’s athletic department, and the name in parentheses was just for reference; it didn’t go on the label. Some women would actually be offended by NOT being referred to as Mrs. Whatever. So, (Leia), there’s your comment.
I think I’ll refer to you from now on as Large Head Scofield (Leia).
honestly, i asked my grandmother about this once. (she’s the president of a charity org. there whose primary membership lies in the bubbie crowd.) she said it was because everyone knows who phyllis udoff is, but because most of the money that she contributes comes from my grandfather’s work, it’s only fair to put his name in there as well.
i kind of like that theory. it’s actually super-equality.
I rather enjoy the submissive lifestyle and complete abandonment of liberation that I have chosen for myself. I also love my SUV.
Leia, It has just been the correct way that we learned in English grammar. I don’t know if you had to even take that course in high school or college.
Good question. Maybe it’s because the families with enough money to give significantly to charitable causes tend to be from an older generation, and therefore prefer this sort of thing.
It doesn’t make sense to institutionalize it like that, though. It also doesn’t make sense even if one believes (as I do) in all that nonsense about taking care of one’s lady, opening the door for her, earning the bulk of the income, etc. A wife is to be honored, not parenthesized.
Leia, I’m with you. I don’t want to be second to the man I’m with. I’m just as important as he is and addressing my by MY name rather than HIS simply shows that.
I do believe that these issues aren’t just grammatical. I feel like the words we use and the way we phrase things implies how we view them in society.