Random Thoughts from a Large Head

While driving back from a wedding shower in Bryan, Tina and I were discussing how seemingly all of our friends are marrying Jasons. Fully two-thirds of the couples we know getting married in March-April are one-half Jason. Karen has one. Julie has hers, too.

We determined that #1, we need to find someone to marry ASAP to fill out those empty weekends without weddings in April, and #2, his name should be Jason.

Really, though, neither of those is likely to happen.

Thus, the concept of a “Potential Jason” was born. A Potential Jason, or “PJ”, is someone with the ideal qualities of a lifemate.

Valentine’s Day night (?), while dining with my posse, our waiter, an Actual Jason, notified our table that he found me “kinda hot”. Sadly, this Actual Jason does not fit the standards of a Potential Jason: he’s separated from his wife in the past month, has a baby girl, and, if I had to guess, spends most of his time at work stoned.

It’s progress, though. Now to find an Actual Jason that’s a Potential Jason. And wants to get married April 10th.

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Maybe if I get all the little things out of my brain that I’ve been meaning to write about, or half-started to write about, I can blog in earnest again. Maybe:

» I bought a new digital camera: Canon A70. It is cute and fantastic.
» Best Buy went insane and approved me for an unreal amount of credit. So I bought a laptop: http://h20015.www2.hp.com/hub_search/document.jhtml?lc=en&docName=c00058315
>HP 4610. Wireless notebook card and router should be delivered soon.
» I spent most of President’s Day weekend on the chofa with my laptop in front of the tv. The only way I could have been more slothful would have been to have a pizza delivered.
» Last Friday, I got contact lenses. I’ve never had them before and have been wearing the same eyeglass frames for three years. At home, I’m used to seeing my reflection with no glasses, but it’s been really wacky seeing myself in windows or mirrors out in public with the contacts in.
» At the end of May, I’m going to take a 10-day trip with a group of friends to London, England and Aberdeen, Scotland. I’m excited about getting to take a real vacation with some great people. I’m also glad I’ll get to use my passport again before it expires.
» Between the camera, laptop, contacts, and vacation, I can spend no more money for the rest of my life.
» I’m having allergy testing done this afternoon. I’ve never had it done before and I’m totally psyched to see what it is that drives my nose and sinuses bonkers.
» Because of the imminent allergy testing, I can’t take anything with antihistamines in it. And, of course, I spent enough time with someone Tuesday that was wearing far too much cologne that I think triggered an allergic reaction, which seems to have drained to my throat causing this horrible sore throat and runny nose thing which is likely working its way towards sinus infection land. I bought some Sudafed and Tylenol Sore Throat yesterday, which helped easy the pain and suffering, but made me a bit wacky all day. And now, I can’t sleep. I am now even more excited about the allergy testing being over so I can dope up on Benadryl and sleep for a few days straight.
» Over the past month, I’ve been working my way towards becoming a volunteer for the local American Red Cross chapter’s Disaster Assistance Team. These are the people that respond when there is a fire or other disaster locally. They do things like provide coffee to firefighters and assistance to disaster victims. So far, I have taken the Red Cross Orientation and Community CPR/First Aid. So, if you choke or your heart stops or you quit breathing or you get stabbed and I’m around, I have the knowledge and certification to help you! This weekend, I’m taking “Intro to Disaster Services” and the DAT Orientation. After I do these two, I am allowed to go on ridealongs while I take the more advanced classes.

Time to try this sleep thing again.

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In a bizarro turn of events, my car tried to run away Saturday night. I popped out the door of my apartment building to find my car not parked where I left it, but on the sidewalk between a utility pole and a tree, facing the opposite direction.

To fully understand the circumstances that led up to its failed attempts to leave me, I have formed a commission to investigate the event. Official commission documents and their findings follow:

Commission Report
Leia Scofield, by Executive Order No. 11130 dated February 10, 2004, created this Commission to investigate the attempted departure on February 7, 2004, of 1991 Ford Probe hatchback, the sole transportation vehicle of the Large Head. The Large Head directed the Commission to evaluate all the facts and circumstances surrounding the departure and to report its findings and conclusions to her.

The subject of the Commission’s inquiry was a chain of events which shocked and awed the people of the apartment building and of the world.

In this report the Commission submits the results of its investigation. Each member of the Commission has given careful consideration to the entire report and concurs in its findings and conclusions.

Evidence
The Commission analyzed the evidence and set forth its conclusions concerning the source, effect, number and timing of the actions that transpired in the attempted runaway of 1991 Ford Probe. In that connection the Commission has evaluated (1) the examination by qualified experts of the scene; (2) the timeline of events; (3) the damage to the 1991 Ford Probe; (4) the testimony of neighbors.

(1) The Scene

Experts found the parking brake of the 1991 Ford Probe, a vehicle with manual transmission, disengaged.

(2) Event Timeline
Exhibit A: Last use of car. Parked in spot #2 of carport. Approximately 6:00pm.

Exhibit B: First sighting of car by Leia Scofield. Parked between utility pole and tree on sidewalk, facing opposite direction was parked. Approximately 8:45pm.

(3) Damage to 1991 Ford Probe
The only damage found by the expert investigation was some slight scratches to the driver’s side front corner, ostensibly from rubbing against the support beam of the carport.

(4) Neighbor Testimony
Neighbor Steve came downstairs after being contacted by Ms. Scofield (said Ms. Scofield to Steve, “What is my car doing there?!”). Neighbor states has had his vehicle roll back before. Neighbor also spoke to other neighbor during time between Exhibits A and B (above). Conversation summarized: “What is Leia doing parking there?!”

Conclusion
This Commission was created to ascertain the facts relating to the preceding summary of events and to consider the important questions which they raised. The Commission has addressed itself to this task and has reached certain conclusions based on all the available evidence. These conclusions represent the reasoned judgment of all members of the Commission and are presented after an investigation which has satisfied the Commission that it: has ascertained the truth concerning the attempted runaway of 1991 Ford Probe to the extent that a prolonged and thorough search makes this possible.

It is the finding of the Commission that the failure of Ms. Scofield to engage the parking brake, in addition to the wheels being turned from making a large curve to enter the parking spot, plus the slight incline of the parking area contributed to the attempted departure of 1991 Ford Probe.

Despite the thoroughness of the Commission’s report, I’m sure conspiracy theories will abound. What’s your theory?

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