Random Thoughts from a Large Head

I reclaimed my house and my neighborhood in the name of all that is good this weekend. I spent a couple of hours in the front yard cleaning up the lawn, and every neighbor I saw got the story.

For the first time in the six months I’ve lived here, I did more than just wave at the people who live around me. I reached out, connected, got phone numbers, felt a sense of community.

I met Mike, who is in construction, and Lisa, whose mom Tina lives across the street (and has since the neighborhood was built in the early ’50s). I met Anna, whose husband Luis is going to help me out with yardwork. I met Sarah and Joe, who had been thinking about putting up more outdoor lighting anyways. I learned that a police officer lives three houses down across the street from me, so I went and introduced myself there, too.

I learned that besides a few car windows broken when people park on the street, for the most part this is a quiet neighborhood with few problems. My neighbors were shocked to learn what happened to me.

Tonight’s the first night I’ve actually been by myself in the house since then. I thought I was doing ok. I came home from work and it was dark out already, but I got in the garage and closed the door before getting out of the car. I got into the house and then went out the front door to check the mail. I made dinner and watched some tv.

I was fine until my garage floodlights, which fill the front area and driveway with light, started turning on and off.

Jim tried to help me over the phone, but all the good things he said to help me take control of the situation and feel better just weren’t helping. I snapped at him and got off the phone.

The tears I couldn’t find last week finally came, and poured hard. I sobbed for the theft of my security, the infringement of my safety zone, and the loss of innocence. And, when I was done crying, I opened this window and began typing all the good things I’d done to take this neighborhood and my house back for good.

Tina and Ru came by and diagnosed a faulty sensor in my lights. We made a quick trip to Home Depot and fixed it up and the blinking has stopped.

I’d thought I was ok before, but it turns out I wasn’t. I’m a little more ok now than I was a few hours ago. Hopefully each night I’ll be more and more ok.